By Kris Radke

Hello.

It is a pleasure to meet you, I’ve heard much about you, all things of a pleasant nature befitting an esteemed {Non Gender specific Honorary Title} such as yourself. Please, have a seat. Would you like something to consume? Something in Liquid form perhaps? We have a various array of hydrating substances to choose from. Do you prefer water, or perhaps to dabble in some libations could be recommended in order to ease your senses? I am not fond of drinking alone, so unless you object I have a bottle of excellent Sake to share? What kind of drink is that? Why it is a type of rice wine, it is rather delicious I assure you, you shall not be disappointed.

But I digress, please; make your self at home, for my tale of how I came to find myself here is a long one, full of tears, betrayal, and partial nudity.

***

As I was traversing home from activities of an academic and spiritual nature last week, wandering the earth in search of wisdom and adventure; I happened to once again cross paths with my old nemesis William James.

“WHAT? What are you doing here? I thought I had finished you off back at the summit long ago!”

“You came very near to succeeding, but thanks to the kindness of a benevolent apparition, My mortal form was once again infused with the vitality necessary in order to vanquish you once and for all!”

“Hmm, though the kindness of strangers can not be depended upon, it occasionally does seem to manifest itself in times of great need. And, in keeping with a spirit of kindness, I imagine you have thirsted for revenge for far to long, let me ease your suffering and put pennies upon those eyes!”

Thus, the kimono had been unfolded, the die cast. As neither party could now back down even if they had so desired; this meeting was to alleviate the bitter vendetta we had both harbored in our hearts for so long now. We made agreements to meet later that night where the sparrow flies to once again find herself in union with the earth. The story in the soil.

As I arrived in the cloak of silence and cover of darkness, I was overtaken under the influence of a mixture of nostalgia and melancholy. How many times had I found myself at this place, how many times had I exhaled the breadth of life in order that I may inhale, only to one day have such breath no more. Had I been born for no other reason than in order to die? To be left alone with one’s thoughts can provokes unpleasant spirits dwelling deep within the mind. No wonder most people never want to be alone, most people don’t want to feel the anguish that comes when freed from a connection with some greater whole, most people do not want to be challenged by the anguish in their soul.

I was not left long with my thoughts however, as William James appeared soon after. Consigned to silence, we both adhered to an unspoken agreement to respect this moment. The tension proved palpable, the air cool and moist with a mild wind blowing to the southeast. The elements that surrounded our mortal coil felt tampered and oddly surreal, like a painting of a picture of a photograph. As people who haven’t seen each other oftentimes are inclined to do, we ended up becoming sidetracked and spent a surprising amount of time caught up in a discussion about Tibet and the recent appearance of the Dalai Llama at the US Capitol and the resulting negative reaction from China. But then, WE DUELED!

A valiant and epic struggle it was, but the greater man that fateful evening proved not to be one who resides before you now. Much to the shame of my ancestors, I was defeated against an enemy I had once stood against victorious! Stripped of my honor, I lay prostrate before him.

“You have defeated me William, Heir to the House of James. My life is to be taken as your rightful reward.”

“Oh the many moons I have longed for this moment! To dream of your downfall has given me comfort on many cold and unforgiving nights.”
“I may well imagine.”

“Still, I do not plan to end you here.”

“WHAT? WHATSOEVER DO YOU SPEAK OF?”

“To give the sweet release of death would be to merciful for one such as you, one who has faced all his life what all the sons of ancestors such as ours must face.”

Gazing off for a moment, a malicious smile imperceptibly began to imprint itself upon his face.

“For you, my most formidable of foes, I shall force unto you a fate far crueler than the one you had resigned yourself to. Now that I have taken that which is most dear to you, and have made arrangements to destroy whatever left you may hold onto to, I shall make you but a hollow husk of the man you once were. But I shall spare you your life, for life is the cruelest of all punishments, and in your misery I shall find comfort, upon your broken back I shall dance, in your soul sapped of vitality I shall find solace. Now go hither back to the hearth of home, and reflect upon these words.”

“Although, on second thought, if you don’t mind writing for my music website, we could just call it even.”

***

And so, you find me here today good {Non gender specific Honorary Title}. Funny how life may from time to time put one in such predicaments, expectations of actions juxtaposed to how matters unfold make for strange bedfellows. (Insert other couplet of Ridiculous things) makes for even stranger ones.

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